You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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