all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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