cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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