i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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