So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
