you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
