We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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