I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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