He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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