1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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