I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
