He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
