Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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