Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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