I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
