Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
