I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
