Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
