I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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