Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
