Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
