Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
