I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
