I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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