I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
