I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry about my life...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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