My nipple is on Facebook.
Your dad touched me again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
