I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
