So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
