i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you made out with another girl for some wings
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
