I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
