i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
