My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
