i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
