just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize