The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
