cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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