Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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