i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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