He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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