you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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