You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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