Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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