im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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