yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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