He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize