You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
