my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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