So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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