i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
