Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize