dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
