I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
