im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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