and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
