That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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