Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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