I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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