Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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