Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
