so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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