My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
