Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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